When we people please, we lose.

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We pour ourselves to please other people because as humans we seek attention. We seek being accepted. We seek being liked by others and avoid confrontation. Sometimes that means changing who we are to fit a narrative that the world gives us.

Seeking validation in other people will drive us up the wall. We can really lose ourselves in the mix.

I have been through situations that I am not proud of. I sought to find happiness in other people. Allowing my morals to go out the window and stand next to people who did nothing but use the opportunity for their gain, not mine. I would give up my body. My soul. My time. Everything that was sacred to me, I would give it. Thinking I would get the same in return, but sadly that was not the case.

I figured giving my all would allow myself to become more likeable. More pleasing. More loved. But I didn’t find that. I found myself in more self-hatred, disgust, and flat out depressed because I was lonely and in pain. No person or thing was helping me at this time. So falling into a more destructive cycle was in store.

Going through that left me scarred and ashamed of who I was. Like God, why did you put me through this on top of everything else that I was dealing with? Why more pain? Why more hurt? Wasn’t this enough already? Questioning God every move I made because nothing seemed to be going in my favor. I was beginning to hate myself as well as God.

I kept going out my way for others. I kept changing my likes and dislikes to be more like others. To be included. My own family was broken. I faced neglect and rejection from my own parents, so of course I held onto those “friends” as long as I could even if it went against everything I was wishing for. Just for a small amount of attention and get a fix of what I’ve been missing for years.

Isn’t that a tough pill to swallow? I never knew what damage I done to myself back then because I didn’t have anybody there to tell me otherwise. I followed and lost.

It’s hard to look back on those circumstances. The feelings that come swarming back to me each time I think about what I've done. Oh those feelings hit me strong. It used to send me back into a dark place of self hatred.

But now each time I look back, I become more aware of the wisdom I’ve gained from my own mistakes. Like these mistakes could potentially help some other woman who may need it right now.

Remember, just because our past may have things we don’t favor, doesn’t mean they should be omitted from our story.

We must gain the courage to stop letting our past control us. In return, learn from what has happened. Focus on what we can do differently in order to put ourselves in a better place now.

First things first, stop surrounding yourself with fools. Stop allowing yourself to continue to make the same mistakes. Stop allowing influences to make you believe that you aren’t capable of doing something because they say you don’t have it in you.

Start investing in yourself.

Start seeking other people who can potentially bring out the best in you and can give you the criticism you need to become the best version of yourself. That’s right, constructive criticism.

It is uncomfortable to be told what you are doing is wrong. But hear me out.

If I stayed on the self-destructive track I was on, I wouldn’t be where I am at today. I could have easily spent some jail time. I could have been in drunken car accident. I could be an addict right now or worse, dead.

Everything I was doing 12 years ago, would have led me down a road that I seen happen within my own family and that’s not a path I would go down today.

We live in a world that being carefree and reckless is mimicked and praised.

I know we can have fun and allowed to have a good time. But what is considered a good time could very well lead you to a bad time if you aren’t careful.

This world is full of heavy influences especially on how we should view ourselves. We need to stop allowing other people to have the pen to our stories. Let them live their life and you choose to live yours. Align yourself with good people. Surround yourself with positive influences. Start choosing joy.

I don’t want you to feel like you are compelled to live life exactly like me to be happy.

No, that is far from where I am getting. I want you to view yourself as God sees you. Look at yourself with confidence. Find your worth. Seek happiness from the pain and suffering you may be dealing with.

Work on your hurting heart. Learn to love yourself through these seasons of change. Seek a better relationship with our Lord. Seek truth in the river of lies that have been told to you.

Stop faking it. Stop thinking that if you hide what is going on, it will magically go away. In reality, it doesn’t just go away. You have to deal with your problems. Deal with your insecurities. Deal with the pain. Deal with the hurt. Pray it out. It’s the first step to healing what has been broken for so long.

People’s opinions do not tell your story. We need to be real with ourselves. Find what is serving us. Find what we need to let go. Find what we need to fix and work on that.

Learn to make your own moves. Dive more into who you are and what you see yourself enjoyI got. Figure out what brings you that happiness you crave. It all starts with the will to change.

If you can’t solve it on your own, seek those who can actually help you.

It’s tough love but it needs to be done. So, stop feeling shameful because you messed up. Stop feeling guilty because someone says you hurt their feelings by declining an invite.

Others may not understand what you are trying to do, but it’s not your job to make them understand.

Pray for them and move on. Keep seeking God to help you along the way. Keep seeking him when things get tough as well as when things get good.

God has a plan for us.

Our worth doesn’t come from a number. You can’t put a number on a life. But we are here as God put us here. We need to start using Him to serve the world better as well as ourselves. It all starts with you.